I have always been a shopaholic, but I've never considered myself a fanatic. Sure I've 'stalked' and 'blogged'. I will admit that I did about one week of waking up in the wee hours to catch an 'upload' but it was short lived since I appreciated my sleep so much more. I have made calls around town trying to track down an item, but even if I can't find it, that's okay, life goes on, there're other pretties to be hunted down. Thanks to frequent new arrivals and weekly sales, I was constantly shopping.
The only extended period of time that I didn't shop was when I was going through cancer treatment. During those days I didn't care what cute dress was at Anthro or what crazy sale Jcrew was having, my thoughts were surrounded by how I was going to get through treatment, my days were filled with extreme nausea, pain, pills, hospital visits, pokes and cuts, etc. I thought if anything cancer would've cured me of my "shopping problems". Well, now I've come to realize that it didn't.
I am very ashamed to admit that for the first time in my shopaholic life, I was so upset over loosing out on an item that I was brought to tears. I know, it sounds ridiculous right? Totally absurd, but the feeling and the anger is real, even as I'm sitting here writing about this with incredible shame, I still feel the lingering emotions.
Yep, I use to be one of you, reading about someone else's failed shopping endeavours and then rolls her eyes thinking "come on, really? it's just something material?". Well, my apologies to any of those whom I secretly laughed at, or looked down upon because I didn't understand how you could 'loose' it over 'loosing' out on a material thing.
There are many 'secret societies' on the internet over the love and affection of their favourite brands. I recently discovered the secret world of Lululemon fans. I went in, totally ignorant thinking that I would be a bystander, an observer of those fanatics seeking unicorns. Also thinking this would be the perfect opportunity to unload some of my stuff and make some cash. Well, very soon I found myself sucked into it, so deep that I started to understand them as I gained the mentality of I would give up anything, anything to acquire that ONE item. The willingness to pay 2 or 3 times over retail price for an used item. Yes, by now you are probably associate what I'm talking about to my "in desperate search of" post not too long ago, or you could simply look to the top right corner of my blog.
To make a long story short, I came very close, like only seconds away from acquiring the one item my little heart so badly desired. Well, I didn't win, and I'm angry, so angry that I lost out on it. It really really upset me, it's almost like life slapped me in the face again. How could I come THIS CLOSE to owning it, it's such an irony. I felt the person who won it wasn't deserving because she didn't want it as BADLY as I did, and she will probably just resell it anyways. But it didn't matter, she bought it, it's a done deal and I'm only left to huff and puff on my couch.
So upon recognizing how serious my problem has become I have decided to step on the brake. I have pulled myself out of this fanatic world and to hopefully live my life in total ignorant bliss.
I just overcame cancer, I have so many things to appreciate and to experience in the very uncertain days to come. I shouldn't be wasting my energy and happiness on material objects, life is too short for that. So, hopefully I will be shopping less and enjoying life more. Living is precious, time is precious, so let's all strive to live life and shop less.